Rough week ahead

This past weekend was so much fun visiting our friends in Virginia Beach who we hadn't seen in 8 years! It was really great to hang out with them and their kids. We had such a great time. And when we got home last night, I printed out more landscape pictures from some of our past vacations to hang in the hallway, which I was really happy about getting done. Tonight we will hang them and print out VT landscapes for the collage frame for our bar room. It will be nice to get some more decorating done in the house.

However, even with all this good stuff, I'm starting to have periods of depression and sadness. On the drive home yesterday, I started crying because of thinking about Brady and the uncertainties we are facing. Spending time with our friends' kids this weekend was so much fun, I think it made me think about how different it's going to be with Brady and the possibility of not having that time with Brady. And I'm getting upset again today too. I hate feeling this way. I like it much better when I'm feeling happy and positive.

I think I'm starting to have these feelings because we'll be going back to those doctor appointments next Monday, and I always seem to start having negative thoughts a week before an appointment. I'm really afraid of what we are going to see in the ultrasound and fetal echo. I'm so excited to see Brady, but I'm afraid of what the doctors are going to say. Part of me doesn't want to keep getting these updates for fear that they will show us that Brady is doing worse than we think or hope, and I know that the only way I am getting through this pregnancy is because of the hope that I have for him. So if we get more bad news about him, it will really chip away at that hope and make it harder to get through the next 4 months. But at the same time, I want to be prepared. I guess we'll see how next Monday goes and then make decisions about how often we want to get updates from there. I know that these prenatal tests aren't conclusive because they are limited in what they can see, but it's still hard to get the results. Hopefully the cardiologist will say that his heart condition isn't that bad, but I guess we'll see next Monday.

Please pray for me and Paul to have the strength to handle whatever news we get next week and remain hopeful despite any negative information we receive from the doctors. And please pray for Brady that he is able to fight and beat the odds.