Thursday, March 31, 2011

Bean might be a girl!

When Paul and I were in Charleston for the wedding a few weekends ago, we met a guy at our hotel bar who said that he had done the gold test for 40 people and had gotten all but 1 right (he even proved a doctor wrong when he thought it was a girl and the doctor said boy based on the ultrasound, but it ended up being a girl).  I figured it was another old wives' tale, so I never believed in it, but he said that he had seen a medical special on it and the reason it works is because our bodies can absorb gold (which is why we can drink the gold flecks in Goldschlager), and so our heart reacts to the gold.  For some reason, males and females have a different reaction, so that's how you can tell the gender.

So what you're supposed to do is hang a piece of gold from a thread or string in front of the baby in the womb.  If the gold moves in a circle it's a girl, and if the gold moves side to side it's a boy.  I tried it first with my diamond earrings that have a gold setting.  I first held the earring in front of my heart to see how it would move and it eventually moved in a circle.  Then I moved it down between my heart and belly and it stopped moving.  I then held it in front of Bean and it also moved in a circle!  I went over to a friend's house and repeated it with her gold ring, which had a lot more gold in it than my earring setting, and it moved in an even bigger circle!  My friend held it in front of her heart and it moved in a circle too, and then she held it in front of her husband's heart and it moved side to side!

Sooooo...... I guess we are having a girl after all!  I was wondering if the gender predictor test I had taken was really correct because the color didn't seem completely green.  It seemed like a mix between green and orange (green was supposed to indicate boy and orange was supposed to indicate girl), so maybe it was wrong.  I guess we'll find out next Thursday at my ultrasound.  Bean better be cooperative and let the doctors see her girlie parts :)  I want to know for sure!!

This is getting me even more excited for the ultrasound.  I can't wait!!

A Better Attitude

This week has been much better than last week.  I haven't cried since Monday morning, which is a great accomplishment right now :)  Every day I've been feeling better and happier and less anxious, which is so nice.  I really think my attempts to focus on each day and not think about the future has really helped.  Thank goodness! I was telling one of my coworkers that I have been wanting to buy something for Bean for a while but I want to wait until I know the sex for sure.  She suggested that I go buy something for him right after the ultrasound and I loved that idea, so that's what I'm going to do!  That thought has actually made me look forward to the ultrasound more and feel less anxiety about it.  YAY!

Today I weigh 141.4 lbs and I measure 37" at my belly button and 38" below my belly button.  I gained about a 1/2" and 1 lb in the past week, which seems pretty good.  I was hoping for more, but it's good to gain slowly.  I'm hoping that will reduce the likelihood of stretch marks :)  Plus, I'm sure that part of the reason I'm bigger now than I was at this time last time is because I'm already stretched out some, so I might gain some weight without gaining inches if Bean already has room, so he might be growing without needing to stretch me out more.  Sometimes I feel like my belly is already so big, especially when I compare my most recent picture to my 17 week picture from Brady's pregnancy (what a difference)!  But when I just look at the picture by itself, my belly doesn't seem as big as it does in real life.  It's so strange.

This week I have had more energy than I have had in the past few weeks, so I've been able to do more at night, which is great because it helps occupy my mind so that I don't think about things too much.  Right now I'm feeling really happy and excited.  I'm trying to hold on to that feeling as much as possible.  I have to believe that God is going to bless us with a healthy child.  I just know that Paul and I deserve that.  I'm just so thankful to have so many blessings in my life and I never want to lose that feeling.  I know that no matter how hard being a mother is, I will always be thankful for my children because of how hard it was to get them and how hard it was to lose one.  I want to always remember how hard it was to get pregnant, to lose Brady, and to worry about Bean so that I am always thankful for every moment I have with my future children, even when they are being impossible, which I know they will be sometimes :)

This experience has taught me how to be more patient and laid back, and I just know that will help me and my family so much when I become a mother.  What a great gift from God.  He helped change me in ways that I have always wanted to change but wasn't able to do on my own.  It was a difficult transformation and not one that I want to repeat anytime soon, but I am thankful for it.  I will use my new found patience to get through this next week with hope and happiness!  Say a little prayer for me that I'm able to do so!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Bump Watch - 3/28/2011

Today I am 16.5 weeks along.  I am measuring 1" bigger than I was at this point with Brady, so that's a really good sign, and I don't think it's because I'm already stretched out.  I truly believe it's because Bean is growing like he should be.  At my 18.5 week ultrasound with Brady, he was already behind in size, measuring only 16-17 weeks along.  I am very hopeful that Bean is healthy and is doing well, but I am still having trouble being truly optimistic and not anxious.

This weekend was really great because my parents are in town, so I was occupied a lot.  I didn't get upset at all or really think about the ultrasound too much.  Now that I'm back at work, I've already cried and gotten upset and I'm thinking about it more.  Work just doesn't seem to preoccupy me like spending time with friends and family does.  So I'm trying to take the approach I did when I found out about Brady.  I am going to try to find something to look forward to each day and just focus on that one day.  This weather makes that a bit harder to do, but I'll have to find something :)

All I really want to do is curl up with a book and read and take naps.  I'm not feeling motivated about my work like I was over a week ago before I got anxious.  It makes it really hard to get things accomplished, which totally sucks.  But I'm going to try my best to just bear down and do my work.  I really just want to go somewhere tropical for the next week and a half :)  My ultrasound is next Thursday - April 7.  It's not that far away, yet it seems like an eternity.  Funny how time is such a fixed measure yet can feel variable depending on the situation.  Funny or cruel - depending on the situation :)  Feeling a bit cruel at the moment.

I wish I could just convince myself that everything is okay and there's nothing to worry about!  This subconscious worrying totally sucks.  Ok, time to pull myself out of the pity party and take control of my feelings.  Wish me luck!

Here's my most recent belly picture.  I feel like I look bigger than I did at Brady's birth but I'm carrying lower at this point.  I'm interested to see if Bean moves up once he gets bigger.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

A hormonal mess

This week has not been as bad as Sunday in regards to my emotional well-being, but I have definitely been more on edge and more emotional.  I easily get pissed off or cry.  I mean really easily.  Silly things that don't usually bother me are really setting me off.  It really sucks.  I find myself wondering if it's the hormones or if I am beginning to subconsciously worry about Bean's health.  I am now 2 weeks away from my 18 week ultrasound where we will find out about his health and maybe I am starting to get nervous about it.  I know that if he has any issues, we can handle it, but it's still so scary and upsetting.  It's not something I want to go through again.  Even though I am grateful for having Brady and how it changed me for the better, I really don't want to go through such a difficult situation again.  It was just so hard.  I know we could get through it, but I just don't want to have to :)  I know I will have more hard times in my life, but having another one so soon would be difficult to handle.

For a while I have been so sure that Bean is healthy, but lately I have had little doubts creep in sometimes.  I am trying my best to fight those doubts because they don't do any good.  I'm trying so hard to just enjoy every minute I have with Bean and not think about the future.  I am excited about the ultrasound because I can't wait to see him again and I can't wait to find out the sex.  But I'm trying not to be too excited about it because I want to just live in the moment.

I pray that I have the strength to fight these emotions and be happy and enjoy life without worrying.  Please pray for me that I have that strength and please pray for Bean's health.  I love him so much already and I really want to end up with a healthy baby this time.

Monday, March 21, 2011

An interesting weekend

Today I am 15.5 weeks along and getting closer to my 18 week ultrasound!  I'm really trying to just live in the moment and not think about the future too much, but I am getting really excited to find out Bean's gender.  I was wondering if I would start feeling anxious about the ultrasound as it got closer because of nervousness about his health, but so far I haven't felt anxious about it at all.

Maybe I really am that sure that Bean is healthy and will be fine.  On the surface I know I feel that way, but sometimes you don't know your true feelings that are deep down in your subconscious.  For example, I recently found out that someone I know is pregnant.  I was excited for her, but I also felt a weird feeling of what? anxiety? sadness? I'm not sure, but it really unnerved me.  I should be excited for anyone who gets pregnant, and I shouldn't feel jealous or upset because I am pregnant.  So I tried to figure it out and I think that deep down maybe I am still afraid that something bad will happen to Bean and I won't end up with a child.  What's weird is that I know several people who are pregnant right now, but I didn't get the upsetting feeling when I found out about all of them, only when I found out about a couple of them.  So, who knows what's going on.

This past weekend we were in Charleston for a wedding.  We actually went to Charleston on Wednesday for the combined bachelor/bachelorette party, which included a LOT of drinking (not me obviously), a limo, and several bars.  My usual bedtime is around 10:00, so I wasn't sure how long I would make it because the limo picked us up at 9:00, but I put on my game face because I wanted to be there for our friends.  The night started out well.  Everyone was drinking and having fun, but things weren't out of control.  I made it to 3 bars before I went back into the limo to fall asleep around midnight.  At 2:00, everyone got back into the limo completely wasted and that's when it got interesting.

Soon after starting the ride back to our friends' house, the girl sitting next to me threw up out of nowhere.  Unfortunately, it splashed on me because it took her by surprise, so she didn't have anything to puke in.  Fortunately, my back was mostly to her, so it got on my back and not my front.  Later on in the ride, the same girl started throwing up again and even more this time.  It was awful.  It didn't get on me anymore, but being sober, it wasn't too fun.  Once we got back to our friends' house, I booked it back to the hotel without Paul (he wanted to stay to get something to eat, which was fine with me because I didn't really want to sleep with wasted Paul anyway).  When I got back to the hotel, I had to wash my jacket and jeans in the hotel room bathtub so that the RED puke wouldn't stain them.  This was at 3:00 in the morning.  Not fun.  I finally got to sleep at 3:30.  I was not happy.

The next day was much better.  I got to sleep in and rest a lot, which I needed, and the rest of the day was very chill.  The wedding was on Friday.  It was a really nice ceremony and the reception was nice too, but not super fun for me since I couldn't drink and I couldn't really dance much because I kept getting tired :)  On Saturday we drove back home and were so happy to be back.  I absolutely love that I can't wait to come home after a vacation.  I've never felt that way until we moved to Raleigh.  It's awesome!

So, the lesson of the weekend is, bachelorette parties are definitely not fun for me when pregnant, and weddings aren't that fun when I'm pregnant either.  2 more weddings this year, so we'll see how those go.  Thankfully I have a pregnant partner for one of them.  Men are so lucky that women are the ones that have to be pregnant.  We are so much better at sacrificing and not being babies about it.

Yesterday my hormones decided to take over my mind and make me crazy.  So far during this pregnancy, I have actually been in a really good mood and have been really happy.  Yesterday, I went crazy.  I would cry for no reason and couldn't stop.  I would get really pissed off and start yelling (not at anyone, just yelling).  It sucked (for me and Paul :)).  I knew it was the hormones, but I just couldn't shake it.  Thankfully, today I feel much better but I did notice that I still got mad more easily than I normally would.  Hopefully this won't continue!   I can handle it sporadically, but not daily.

At this point, I am measuring about 37" at my belly button.  I am definitely bigger than I was at this point last time.  I'm hoping that means that Bean is growing properly.  When I look back at my blogs last summer, I really wasn't growing very much around this time, and that's probably because Brady was beginning to fall behind in growth.  This time, I am exercising more and eating healthier, yet my belly is bigger, so I'm taking that as a sign that Bean is growing well.

I can't wait to see him in a few weeks!  That ultrasound is just so amazing because you really begin to feel connected with the baby because you can see how real he is.  You see him moving and see his legs, arms, and even his heart.  It's so awesome, I just can't wait.  But in the meantime, I will focus on the here and now and enjoy every day I have with Bean.  I just love him so much already.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Bump update

Today I am 14.5 weeks along and feeling really great.  I have definitely been getting bigger the past few weeks, which is a great sign.  And this time it isn't all fat :)  I thought I was carrying Brady low, but Bean seems to be even lower than Brady was, but that may change as Bean gets bigger.

Yesterday, Paul and I went to Brady's grave to visit him.  Paul read another 2 chapters from the book he was reading him before he passed.  It's so nice to go visit him and spend time with him without any other distractions. The other day I was thinking about how all of these events are all so inter-connected.  If Brady hadn't passed when he did, Bean wouldn't have been conceived.  It's amazing to think about God's plan for me and Paul, for Brady, and for Bean.  I know that God has something special planned for Bean because he was conceived so quickly after Brady passed.  I'm so excited to meet Bean, but I'm also really enjoying the pregnancy this time.  The first trimester was rough, but I still enjoyed it, and now that I'm feeling so much better I am really enjoying it a lot.  It feels really nice to feel that way.  I feel very blessed.

Here is my most recent bump picture from today:

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Bean update

Yesterday I had my OB appointment.  I am currently 13.5 weeks along, so I am officially in the second trimester and I'm feeling great!  My nausea and food aversions are completely gone, so I can now eat whatever I want, which is so nice.  I'm actually craving salads right now - what a great craving, right?!?!  I'm still feeling pretty tired, but not completely exhausted, so at least it's an improvement.  It's such a weird feeling for me to feel so lazy all the time, but I guess that's good since I need to relax and take it easy for Bean's sake.

My appointment today was pretty uneventful, which I expected.  My blood pressure was the same as last time and I gained 2 lbs since last time.  Based on my scale, I gained about 5 lbs in the first trimester, which is good.  I'm starting to wear maternity pants now.  The only regular pants that really fit anymore are the fat jeans I bought after I had Brady :)  Bean seems to be really low in my uterus, so I think I'll be carrying him low like Brady, which is probably why I'm having to wear maternity pants already.

And yes, you may have noticed that I'm back to referring to Bean as a "him".  My friend told me about a gender predictor test that uses the hormones in your urine to predict the sex.  I decided to take the test just for fun and it said that Bean is boy, so I'm going back to my original feeling on that.  But we won't find out for sure until my 18 week ultrasound, which is in a little over 4 weeks (April 7)!  I can't wait to find out the sex and give Bean a name.  I'm not really worried about Bean's health at this point because I really feel like he is okay, but I'm sure as I get closer to the ultrasound, I will begin to get a little more anxious about it.  We'll see.  I'm hoping these next 4 weeks go by quickly.

This morning I exercised right when I got up for the first time in a while, and it felt great!  I had plenty of energy and I feel really good right now.  I'm so excited about that because I'm always so tired after work, so I really wanted to get back to morning exercise.  It's just such a nice start to the day and I think it will give me more energy overall.

I got some more ultrasound pictures at yesterday's appointment, so here is Bean!