This week has not been as bad as Sunday in regards to my emotional well-being, but I have definitely been more on edge and more emotional. I easily get pissed off or cry. I mean really easily. Silly things that don't usually bother me are really setting me off. It really sucks. I find myself wondering if it's the hormones or if I am beginning to subconsciously worry about Bean's health. I am now 2 weeks away from my 18 week ultrasound where we will find out about his health and maybe I am starting to get nervous about it. I know that if he has any issues, we can handle it, but it's still so scary and upsetting. It's not something I want to go through again. Even though I am grateful for having Brady and how it changed me for the better, I really don't want to go through such a difficult situation again. It was just so hard. I know we could get through it, but I just don't want to have to :) I know I will have more hard times in my life, but having another one so soon would be difficult to handle.
For a while I have been so sure that Bean is healthy, but lately I have had little doubts creep in sometimes. I am trying my best to fight those doubts because they don't do any good. I'm trying so hard to just enjoy every minute I have with Bean and not think about the future. I am excited about the ultrasound because I can't wait to see him again and I can't wait to find out the sex. But I'm trying not to be too excited about it because I want to just live in the moment.
I pray that I have the strength to fight these emotions and be happy and enjoy life without worrying. Please pray for me that I have that strength and please pray for Bean's health. I love him so much already and I really want to end up with a healthy baby this time.
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