This week has been much better than last week. I haven't cried since Monday morning, which is a great accomplishment right now :) Every day I've been feeling better and happier and less anxious, which is so nice. I really think my attempts to focus on each day and not think about the future has really helped. Thank goodness! I was telling one of my coworkers that I have been wanting to buy something for Bean for a while but I want to wait until I know the sex for sure. She suggested that I go buy something for him right after the ultrasound and I loved that idea, so that's what I'm going to do! That thought has actually made me look forward to the ultrasound more and feel less anxiety about it. YAY!
Today I weigh 141.4 lbs and I measure 37" at my belly button and 38" below my belly button. I gained about a 1/2" and 1 lb in the past week, which seems pretty good. I was hoping for more, but it's good to gain slowly. I'm hoping that will reduce the likelihood of stretch marks :) Plus, I'm sure that part of the reason I'm bigger now than I was at this time last time is because I'm already stretched out some, so I might gain some weight without gaining inches if Bean already has room, so he might be growing without needing to stretch me out more. Sometimes I feel like my belly is already so big, especially when I compare my most recent picture to my 17 week picture from Brady's pregnancy (what a difference)! But when I just look at the picture by itself, my belly doesn't seem as big as it does in real life. It's so strange.
This week I have had more energy than I have had in the past few weeks, so I've been able to do more at night, which is great because it helps occupy my mind so that I don't think about things too much. Right now I'm feeling really happy and excited. I'm trying to hold on to that feeling as much as possible. I have to believe that God is going to bless us with a healthy child. I just know that Paul and I deserve that. I'm just so thankful to have so many blessings in my life and I never want to lose that feeling. I know that no matter how hard being a mother is, I will always be thankful for my children because of how hard it was to get them and how hard it was to lose one. I want to always remember how hard it was to get pregnant, to lose Brady, and to worry about Bean so that I am always thankful for every moment I have with my future children, even when they are being impossible, which I know they will be sometimes :)
This experience has taught me how to be more patient and laid back, and I just know that will help me and my family so much when I become a mother. What a great gift from God. He helped change me in ways that I have always wanted to change but wasn't able to do on my own. It was a difficult transformation and not one that I want to repeat anytime soon, but I am thankful for it. I will use my new found patience to get through this next week with hope and happiness! Say a little prayer for me that I'm able to do so!
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