Today I am 15.5 weeks along and getting closer to my 18 week ultrasound! I'm really trying to just live in the moment and not think about the future too much, but I am getting really excited to find out Bean's gender. I was wondering if I would start feeling anxious about the ultrasound as it got closer because of nervousness about his health, but so far I haven't felt anxious about it at all.
Maybe I really am that sure that Bean is healthy and will be fine. On the surface I know I feel that way, but sometimes you don't know your true feelings that are deep down in your subconscious. For example, I recently found out that someone I know is pregnant. I was excited for her, but I also felt a weird feeling of what? anxiety? sadness? I'm not sure, but it really unnerved me. I should be excited for anyone who gets pregnant, and I shouldn't feel jealous or upset because I am pregnant. So I tried to figure it out and I think that deep down maybe I am still afraid that something bad will happen to Bean and I won't end up with a child. What's weird is that I know several people who are pregnant right now, but I didn't get the upsetting feeling when I found out about all of them, only when I found out about a couple of them. So, who knows what's going on.
This past weekend we were in Charleston for a wedding. We actually went to Charleston on Wednesday for the combined bachelor/bachelorette party, which included a LOT of drinking (not me obviously), a limo, and several bars. My usual bedtime is around 10:00, so I wasn't sure how long I would make it because the limo picked us up at 9:00, but I put on my game face because I wanted to be there for our friends. The night started out well. Everyone was drinking and having fun, but things weren't out of control. I made it to 3 bars before I went back into the limo to fall asleep around midnight. At 2:00, everyone got back into the limo completely wasted and that's when it got interesting.
Soon after starting the ride back to our friends' house, the girl sitting next to me threw up out of nowhere. Unfortunately, it splashed on me because it took her by surprise, so she didn't have anything to puke in. Fortunately, my back was mostly to her, so it got on my back and not my front. Later on in the ride, the same girl started throwing up again and even more this time. It was awful. It didn't get on me anymore, but being sober, it wasn't too fun. Once we got back to our friends' house, I booked it back to the hotel without Paul (he wanted to stay to get something to eat, which was fine with me because I didn't really want to sleep with wasted Paul anyway). When I got back to the hotel, I had to wash my jacket and jeans in the hotel room bathtub so that the RED puke wouldn't stain them. This was at 3:00 in the morning. Not fun. I finally got to sleep at 3:30. I was not happy.
The next day was much better. I got to sleep in and rest a lot, which I needed, and the rest of the day was very chill. The wedding was on Friday. It was a really nice ceremony and the reception was nice too, but not super fun for me since I couldn't drink and I couldn't really dance much because I kept getting tired :) On Saturday we drove back home and were so happy to be back. I absolutely love that I can't wait to come home after a vacation. I've never felt that way until we moved to Raleigh. It's awesome!
So, the lesson of the weekend is, bachelorette parties are definitely not fun for me when pregnant, and weddings aren't that fun when I'm pregnant either. 2 more weddings this year, so we'll see how those go. Thankfully I have a pregnant partner for one of them. Men are so lucky that women are the ones that have to be pregnant. We are so much better at sacrificing and not being babies about it.
Yesterday my hormones decided to take over my mind and make me crazy. So far during this pregnancy, I have actually been in a really good mood and have been really happy. Yesterday, I went crazy. I would cry for no reason and couldn't stop. I would get really pissed off and start yelling (not at anyone, just yelling). It sucked (for me and Paul :)). I knew it was the hormones, but I just couldn't shake it. Thankfully, today I feel much better but I did notice that I still got mad more easily than I normally would. Hopefully this won't continue! I can handle it sporadically, but not daily.
At this point, I am measuring about 37" at my belly button. I am definitely bigger than I was at this point last time. I'm hoping that means that Bean is growing properly. When I look back at my blogs last summer, I really wasn't growing very much around this time, and that's probably because Brady was beginning to fall behind in growth. This time, I am exercising more and eating healthier, yet my belly is bigger, so I'm taking that as a sign that Bean is growing well.
I can't wait to see him in a few weeks! That ultrasound is just so amazing because you really begin to feel connected with the baby because you can see how real he is. You see him moving and see his legs, arms, and even his heart. It's so awesome, I just can't wait. But in the meantime, I will focus on the here and now and enjoy every day I have with Bean. I just love him so much already.
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