Trying to get through the morning

Well, I feel like I thought I would feel this morning.  I feel so anxious that I have a ball in my throat.  I'm trying so hard to stay calm, but the negative thoughts just keep forcing their way in and I keep thinking about what happened last year and how awful it was, and I just can't go through that again.  I'm just so scared.  I just want to get this ultrasound over with so that I know how Bean is doing.  I'm trying so hard to believe Bean is healthy, but it's so hard at this point to hold onto that belief.  I just don't even know anymore.  I hate this waiting.  But, I only have 5 more hours to go.  I just have to hang on until then.  God give me strength.