20 weeks along

Today I am 20 weeks, so I am halfway through the pregnancy.  After getting such great results from the ultrasound, I thought I wouldn't worry about Brooke much anymore, but I still find myself worrying.  When I don't gain weight and my belly doesn't seem to be growing, I totally worry that she isn't developing properly.  When I think about it rationally, I know that she is fine, but when my emotions take over, I worry.  I know it's because the situation with Brady made me paranoid.  When I was in my second trimester with him, I wasn't growing very much and that was because he was falling behind in development.  So I get nervous when I don't seem to be growing much with Brooke.

This past week I did gain some weight though.  I'm hoping it's Brooke and not a result of me eating more unhealthy food.  I don't think I've been that bad though, so I'm going to say that it's Brooke :)  I now weight 144 lbs, so I'm up 10 lbs from the beginning of the pregnancy and up 14 lbs from my ideal weight (which I never reached before getting pregnant again).  That seems to be the average amount I should be gaining, so that makes me happy.

I feel like my belly looks a little fuller now than it used to, but I'm still measuring bigger below my belly button than right at my belly button, so it seems like I am still carrying her low.  I was looking at some pictures on a pregnancy website of where Brooke should be located in my belly each week, and it looks like week 23 is when she should really start to move up.  I guess we'll see!

The past couple of weeks I have felt some pokes in my lower belly, which I thought was probably Brooke but it was still hard to tell.  This week I have been feeling them more, so I really think it's Brooke, which makes me so happy.  And last night when I was lying in bed, I got to see and feel some kicks from the outside!  Very exciting!  So I'm really hoping that this is the beginning of being able to feel her more definitely and more often.  That will make me really happy.

I am so ready to see her again already.  My next OB appt is on May 2, so I have a week and a half left to wait.  I really hope my Dr continues to use the bedside ultrasound machine during our regular appointments, so that I can see Brooke.  Hearing her heartbeat at the Dr office isn't exciting because I get to hear it every day, so I really want to see her again.

I keep thinking about holding her and being able to give her love.  I am just so incredible excited for the changes she is going to bring to our lives and to ourselves.  I love that I don't know how I'm going to feel or act when she comes.  It's a complete mystery, and I really love that, which is strange for me.  I usually don't like surprises.  I know it's going to be hard, but I am so excited for it.  I'm just trying not to be impatient.  I really think that once I feel her more often, I will be able to be more patient, but we'll see.  I'm looking forward to getting her room painted and start planning more for her arrival.  This summer should be fun!

Here is a picture of the bump from today.  I feel like there isn't much difference from my last picture, but maybe my belly is sticking out a tiny bit more.  It's hard to tell.