This morning I measured myself again and weighed myself, after doing the same yesterday morning. Since yesterday morning, I gained 0.8 pounds and 0.5"! I felt like my belly was feeling a little firmer yesterday and I was able to feel my uterus last night, so it looks like Bean is having another growth spurt! It's so exciting to see those changes.
The feelings I'm having are so bizarre. I feel pretty confident that Bean is healthy. But this morning I was thinking about how this ultrasound is kind of the beginning of our next life course. When we found out about Brady's condition at this same ultrasound last year, it significantly changed our lives, and we weren't expecting it. Now that I know what effect this ultrasound can have, I think that's what is causing my anxiety more than the expectation that we will find problems with Bean.
Knowing that something coming up can be so life changing just automatically brings anxiety to it, whether you are excited about the change or not. Just like getting married, starting a new job, and giving birth. In all of those situations, you don't really know what to expect, but you know that your life will be forever changed as a result. So there is a lot of anxiety and anticipation that precedes it.
I know that whatever happens, Paul and I can handle it, but it's so crazy knowing that such a big event is coming up and not knowing what the result will be. That's where faith in God comes in. I have to put aside my needs and desires, my impatience and fears, and just trust that God will take care of us. Life is too short and precious to be worried about upcoming events. I try to tell myself that all the time so that I can focus on the wonderful life events that are occurring right now. Sometimes your body's innate reactions take over, like mine have been here and there over the past 2 weeks, but I believe my mind and heart are winning and I will enjoy this week, one day at a time! :)
Most recent baby bump:
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