Today is a better day

Thankfully, I'm feeling much better today than yesterday. Yesterday was really rough on me. I think it's because I am trying to stay hopeful, but also because I feel like I'm trying to prepare myself for one situation (like Brady passing in the womb because of the reversed end-diastolic flow issue), but I don't see other situations coming (like the preeclampsia). I guess I should have seen that as a possibility, but since I took my blood pressure this past weekend at the grocery store and it wasn't too high, I figured I was okay. I guess I just need to prepare myself each time I go to the doctor that something else could be wrong, even though I don't know what that something else could be.

At this point, I'm still not sure how to feel. I still feel a little hopeful that things could turn out okay, but we're also trying to prepare for the worst, so we might start making more plans for Brady's funeral. With how often I have to go to the doctor now, I want to start preparing myself more for the worst outcome because I can't keep doing this yo-yo between hope and despair. If I still have some hope but I also assume the worst, maybe that will help me deal with this situation better. So, in preparation for getting back the 24-hour urine sample results, I will hope that everything is actually okay, but I will assume the worst, that I already am in or close to the severe range of preeclampsia and may need to deliver Brady next week. That way, if it is that bad, I can just accept it and deal with it without falling apart too much, and if it ends up being okay, then I can be relieved and happy. That seems like a better coping strategy, so let's hope it works!

In the meantime, I am going through people's suggestions for memorializing Brady and figuring out what we want to do. Hopefully that will help me feel close to him but not get too overly upset. Who knows. For now, I'm just happy it's a better day.

I decided to do another bump picture. Not too much change. I was 151 lbs at the doctor yesterday, so I've gained about 20 lbs so far. Not too bad. If I continued the remaining 14 weeks of the pregnancy and gained about 1 lb a week, the total would be about 34 lbs, which is in the normal range. So hopefully I won't have too much trouble getting the weight off afterwards! We'll see :)